Amy Winehouse, Formula 1 motor racing and the immense power of believing in oneself.
When I studied the principles of strategic intervention coaching, I learnt about the 6 psychological basic human needs of the personality and spirit. And what stood out for me was our need for significance, love and connection. All of these needs bring us either pleasure or pain.
And then I learnt about the 2 things which hold us back from our greatness.
1. We believe that we are not good enough, and because we don’t believe we are good enough,
2. We believe that we won’t be loved enough.
Some people do think they are good enough. But do we truly know we are? I know my life is based on that premise, that I was not good enough. It took me many years of deep inner self reflection to finally understand that my subconscious mind choices were all based on me not feeling good enough. And that I actually am more than good enough.
We seek significance so hard, we don’t see how it debilitates us. We waste energy on trying to find recognition. And whilst it is part of us, in many instances it becomes our main focus.
Seeking it will do one of 2 things.
– Bring us immense pleasure.
– Cause us great emotional pain.
And whilst I have no regrets, only because it is a waste of energy, I truly wish I had known then what I know now.
And then I watched a Netflix series on the Formula 1 motor racing teams and then the life story of Amy Winehouse. And they both had a profound effect on me.
Amy Winehouse was so exceptionally talented. But she had no self esteem. No self worth. She hated all the attention and sought to escape it. She didn’t believe she was so talented. And escape it she did. To the point that she did so much physical damage to herself, her poor heart couldn’t take it. At the time of her death, her blood alcohol levels were 45 times more than the norm. 45 times!
You have to hate yourself to the point of no return to do that to yourself. Besides the fact that her organs were drug addled already.
One thing I learnt in my coaching business, is that I personally, cannot work with addicts. Why? Because they are so self absorbed and manipulative, when they want to use there are only 2 things at play in their unfortunate sick minds.
– Nothing matters, and
– No one matters.
And nothing I say or do can help them. They have to reach beyond rock bottom to want to shift themselves. So I choose not to work with them.
Amy Winehouse had no self esteem. She latched onto another no self worth addict – her husband – and loved him for all she was worth. And it eventually destroyed her. Her pain is evident in the lyrics of her songs. It deep and soulful. And so sad.
She was so creative and so talented. But couldn’t see it. She was loved by many, especially her parents. But she couldn’t see it or feel it either.
‘Nothing matters and no one matters.’
And because of her complete lack of self worth, trying to feel significant caused her much pain. To the point that she destroyed herself.
What then are we doing to make ourselves feel significant? Does it cause pleasure or pain?
What would happen if suddenly all social media disappeared? No Facebook, no Twitter, no Instagram, no Snapchat, no WhatsApp, we would end up with depressed suicidal generations. And a whole bunch less of couch activists. No self esteem.
Social media keeps us falsely connected. It helps us feel significant. But in essence it also helps us be less connected authentically.
So Amy went about destroying herself because she didn’t feel good enough or loved enough. And she certainly had no love for herself.
Sad indeed! Wasted talent and creativity.
And then I watched the Formula 1 series. Here is the immense power of the mind at play. To be a racing car driver of that calibre, one has to have tons of self confidence. Did I happen to mention tons of self confidence. Yes, that!
And talent of course. These guys work extremely hard to keep up a positive mindset especially when they could be prone to crashing or car troubles. Their burning desire to be world champion is palpable. Even if you are at the bottom of the table and not scoring points. And here is a true mastermind alliance at play. A massive team all with one intention. To win. To be the best. To be the fastest. To be world champions.
There is a huge contrast between Amy and racing car drivers. They found what it takes to have the self esteem to be the best. To enjoy the fans. To continually chase their dreams.
They believe in themselves. Their teams believe in them. They feel worthy. Even when they don’t win, because they know they have to be on top form for the next race.
They feel good enough. Well mostly. I’m sure they have their off days. We all do.
But they don’t go out and destroy themselves just because they experience pain.
There is too much at stake.
To Amy – I wish you could have loved yourself. Felt worthy. If you had, today you would be my world champion.
Believing in ourselves carries immense power. Huge, gargantuan, immense power.
In gratitude, respect and love.